This week I got in a fight with my former lover. She’s leaving town, and has been treating me poorly. I was hurt, she was angry, and we fought. All the little moments of anger that I’ve felt with her but let pass suddenly came back in force. She had another man over. I was overwhelmed. I wanted to break things. I thought about how glad I was that she was leaving, how glad I would be to never see her again.
But the journey I’m on requires me to take that hate and replace it with love. Despite still being furious and deeply hurt, I apologized. I apologized for the things I said to her – for trying to hurt her back. I apologized because while I felt I was right I still lashed out at her, which is wrong. I apologized because I’ve had too many people leave me life in mutual anger and pain. I don’t want to cause pain anymore.
And then something magical happened – she apologized too and we both healed from it. Now the anger and pain I felt is replaced by deep caring and love. I’m sad she’s leaving instead of glad. Sure it isn’t ideal, but it’s a hell of a lot better than working myself up in to a fury and then discovering too late that I wish I had just said “I’m sorry” and moved on. I’m so glad I did. Now I can have a friend instead of just somebody I used to know.