Hey Kid, Don’t Follow Your Dreams

This year, tens of thousands of young people will graduate from high-school and go on to higher education. Some will choose State School or Community College, others will opt for expensive private universities. Most will waste a lot of time and money. If you believe that going to College is the key to improving your lot in life, here are five majors you should absolutely avoid.

Film Studies – You can always be a douche about movies in your spare time. You don’t need to pay $40,000 a year to learn how to do it.

Creative Writing/Lit Studies – Technically two separate majors, but they tie in to each other nicely so I’m including both of them. In short, Kafka will still be there when you graduate, your career will not.

Journalism – A little better than the above two, but with the death of print, your best shot is at becoming a full-time blogger. If this is what you want, great. If not, find another major.

Theater Arts – No, you will not “make it”, “get discovered”, or even pay your rent. The road to Hollywood is paved with crushed souls and broken dreams.

 Art History – There are less expensive ways to make your parents cry.

Notice a trend? These majors offer little to no practical skills or experience that would apply to the working world. Most people who go through these courses will end up spending their lives in restaurants or retail, wondering where their dreams got derailed. Instead, pick a practical and boring major like business administration or accounting. You can take art classes too, but with the rest of your coursework you won’t have time to get high and paint all day. The advantage this offers you is the ability to get a real job when you leave school. And when I say real job, I don’t necessarily mean working for a Fortune 500 company or Investment Bank, I mean something that will give you health insurance and a retirement plan and enough money to buy art supplies or make movies or actually take a vacation and not have to worry about being able to afford food that week. And when your artist friends come to you begging for help, you can afford to actually buy their work and not feel bad about it.


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